This is what I wrote the night I ran into the woods looking for salvation in 2014…. the you is referring to Jesus….
You guided me to the mouth of the trail. You guided me up. Two gentlemen crossed my path. “I’ll get there”, one man said.
You knocked me to my knees at the fork in the trail. You held me with no mercy, forcing me to confront my pain. Balling, unleashing anger, you stood by watching me. In a clearing moment of cold water from my bottle, I continued on the trail heading up. Still wiping tears away, I continued to walk in confused pain. The colors of the trail became clear and vibrant in the quickly darkening forest. Suddenly feel the urge to sprint, I did. When suddenly you brought me to one knee in a ball of tears by a gray rock. Berried deep in the trail. It is here that I began to pray. Praying for mercy, understanding, acceptance and clarity. You held me firm, but gently. Allowing me to feel safe as I witnessed events in my life that present possibilities. It’s what we do with these possibilities. The the possibilities themselves. Accepting exploration of possibilities can be painful, exciting, and eye opening. One can only be so lucky to have the opportunities to explore two lives, while living the presence of both.
The key is accepting openness, authenticity. My father was truly living in the presence of possibility. He made a good choice of which possibility to follow, for that I thank him.
I thank you for believing in me. Giving me the courage and strength to find meaning in the safe darkness that only you, great creator, father sky, mother earth, and the four directions can provide.